close encounters of the fishy kind

so today my 3 cuddle monkeys and i took a trip to the aquarium. as we "oohed" and "ahhed" the vast sampling of aquatic life at the abq aquarium, the wheels were spinning in my mind. i looked around me trying to find the perfect victim for my first day of social experimentation. unfortunately for us, most of the "people" there today were actually fish...the human-types were scarce.

then i had a brilliant idea. why not find the head of the aquarium (what do you call the head of an aquarium? the curator? the fish keeper? the chief fish monger? ? ? king triton? ) and ask them about their favorite display, and favorite sea food dish....but finding the grand aquarium overlord (or whatever) proved difficult and tiring for the kids. when we finally did find her, thanks to the noble efforts of a kind security guard, she informed us that her p.r. folks wouldn't let her be interviewed. (royal keepers of sea creatures have p.r. reps? seriously?) when i thanked her and let her know that i would simply interview the security guard instead, she said she had a feeling her p.r. folk wouldn't approve of that either. (?!!!?!?) so i thanked her for her time, and drug my feet, and 3 cranky children towards the exit.

when we were just about there, my youngest had a mini-meltdown, complete with screaming and floor kicking. so i decided we could sit down by the shark display for a rest, and hoped that my youngest would see the sharks and reflect upon his own mortality.

as we sat, i noticed a long haired, sweet faced, middle aged woman sitting to the right of us. she and her cherubic son were admiring the sharks as well. she noticed my failed attempts at soothing my son, and we struck up a conversation about our kids. her son had also turned 2 last november. she seemed well at ease, and happy to be enjoying his company. she marveled that i have 3 children, and wondered how i do it, saying something to the effect that she didn't think she would want to. in the back of my mind though, i judged from her calm demeanor, that she might have a much better time of it than i do most days.

i decided to make it official, and i asked her if i could ask her a few questions for my blog. it was my first time asking someone about this and i may have come across as a bit of a psycho...

"welliwaswonderingifimight.....beabletoaskyouafewquestionsforablogthatiamwritting? hellomyname'sconnie,bytheway.what'syours? **breath**

"leslie" **raised eyebrow**

i explained to leslie the premise of my blog/social experiment, and she readily agreed about society being too caught up in technology. she told me of a relative who actually broke up with her boyfriend via text. "wow" i exclaimed, and we both shook our heads in disapproval.

i asked leslie if i could record our conversation, and she agreed a tad hesitantly. (it occurred to me at that moment that though i do not look particularly freakish, or menacing, it is probably a good idea to always have my kids with me when i do my interviews so i will never seem like a threat to anyone.)

to begin with i asked her how long she had lived in albuquerque. she sat up a bit and explained that she had lived here all her life, 37 years, though her husband is a philladelphia transplant. i have noticed that most new mexico natives have very strong feelings for their land, and so i asked her what she loves about albuquerque. her face softened noticeably around her eyes, and she smiled a bit as she explained how she loves the slower pace of life here. she compared albuquerque to other cities she had been and said that the pace, and the fact that there are a mild four seasons here make it a beautiful place to be. she commented with a chuckle that there are not many natural disasters to worry about here, and after a slight pause summed it all up by saying simply " you know, it's home to me."

i asked her how she spends her days, and she told me that she is a stay-at-home-mom now, which was a tough transition after being a business woman for many years. in my mind i could picture her behind a desk, or speaking in a board room full of underlings, and i understood why she had so much poise, and such good articulation.
she shared that she never thought she would have any children, and had always thought she would be "just a business woman" for the rest of her life. ( after our conversation i dwelt on that phrase a bit. many women who are stay-at-home-moms
refer to themselves as 'just a mom" and feel pressure from society to aspire to something else. yet she said that she thought she would always be "just a business woman"...as if she has achieved something higher now. i have always thought of being a mother as sort of the epitome of womanhood, and i have often wondered if other women secretly did too, maybe this is a bit of evidence to support that, no? maybe not.)

when i asked her whether there was anything she didn't anticipate about motherhood, she exclaimed with a smile "everything! i didn't anticipate any part of it. i was so into the pregnancy and the labor, that i didn't give a second thought as to what i was going to do once he was here."

i nodded in empathy. (does anyone really ever anticipate the fantastic, beautiful, frustrating ups and downs of motherhood?)
she explained how everything has been a challenge from the day he was born. her mother had passed away in 1995, and most of her female peers are still in the workforce. she feels that she has not had the valuable resources to draw upon that many mothers have. in spite of all the problems, though, she expressed gratitude for her son and for the unconditional love that he shows her.

for my final question i asked her if she would share something unique about herself. she chuckled and said "oh gosh that's the hard part. i'm trying to find myself now as a mother and a wife. i've always considered myself a good problem-solver, but motherhood is one i haven't been able to solve." she looked thoughtful for a moment and conceded that she may never be able to do that. then she said "the sooner i accept that, the better i'm going to be." (sage advice for all us mothers who guilt ourselves into feeling like we need to have impossibly perfect children)

i thanked her for her time, and asked her if i could get a photo of her for the blog. she thought not, so i asked her what her favorite exhibit at the aquarium is. she said the jelly fish, so i told her i would use a picture of them on my blog instead. she agreed to the idea and said likes them because they look like beautiful aliens. i walked away thinking about motherhood, and feeling thankful that the interview with the captain of the fishmongers didn't work out.